Deception.

No shortage of time in the classroom today. If that's your sort of thing.

The following pages should be made mandatory reading in all higher educational institutions, but who am I to make such a claim, I’m just a guy with a Psychology degree from University of Delaware.

Seems the Fiction Writing classes I took there are starting to pay off though, at least with production if the words don’t happen to sit right.

I would also argue that Professor Ackerman’s History and Systems of Psychology was the single best Psychology class I took, which helped me with my writing, and revealed to me rather suddenly how it was bad, and soon to poison the world if not to do something about the I thinks, or the I feels, before everything, and only state the facts. So these are the hard facts, what I learned from this class (while I was learning how to write) —there happened upon the world a Culture of Womanhood and a Culture of Breadwinner that was manufactured following the industrial revolution, and the severe damage it caused to the harmonious structure of the agrarian family dynamic shall be seeing its complete eradication over the next decade or two. I realized this back in 2001. Still, I got married. Remember the name of this chapter.

Some change will be necessary in life. Some change may or may not be perceived as good to others. Best not get caught up in this. Anything that causes bad feelings, is an indication that there is soul work to be done. For self, for community, for humanity. For family. For all is One. Mirror reflections, at play with the light. That is what we are. Children playing in the divine light. Such a dance is described to you so beautifully, by a young woman who goes by the name of Miss Swan, in the pages below.

But before you go ahead and get reading, let me tell you what else I learned with my Psychology degree. I learned that for me, grad school was a dead end that becomes a mountain of debt that will weigh you down for the rest of your life. I wouldn’t be where I am now (which is free on all accounts) if I didn’t get my thesis and finals out of the way a week in advance, so I could go for an interview in Connecticut that would land me what I believe to be, even to this day, the ultimate dream job. And the job doesn’t exist anymore. Because gaming magazines are all out of print. Or they have been thinned out to glorified brochures, which are mostly ads that are there more as a handout to the publisher, as it is ‘alms for the poor’ now for all has made its way to the Internet.

But at the time I was writing, which was a job facilitated through nepotism, by an old, dear friend who I miss so much, and say now —-I AM LOVE, I AM—- make no mistake about it, my dear old friend—I will never forget the day I got the job because of what you offered me, as a friend. You believed in my abilities as a gamer, and as a writer. And that’s what we both still are, in our heart of hearts, as best friends—-gamers and writers—-but we are here to advance through all the hardest levels. All of them. And end up speedrunning everything, because we can.

I wouldn’t have received packages on my office chair, waiting for me when I arrived in the morning, to play alpha and beta versions of games that wouldn’t come out for months. To go and be invited as a press member to E3. What a dream, 2001 was for me. It was truly a space odyssey.

I wish to say that it is never too late to recover your soul and heal it. To nurture it. To bring it back. To create a little nursery for the dreams that had it all tossed at them. To nurture the little creatures of the child within.

It is a process, which have started, lifetimes ago. You see it in the eyes of your reflection when you are told I love you. When you know I AM LOVE, I AM, and the world aligns with things that are of dreams. You have this within you. I tell myself all the time, because I must. It is a lone journey through the mysteries of the Creator, and you must learn to be okay with it, so that the images you see along the way, are images of peace and love and happiness and joy. It is good, to be alone. To reflect. To imagine where you have been, and see if there’s a reason why the past keeps coming up, as there is still a seed within. One worth preserving, and bringing to life, in this little nursery of the soul.

These pages reveal the light which reaches into my soul. I do not have a map, or a plan, or a right to interfere. I do this for the sanctity and the peace of my soul, and it presents itself in droves, as it must, for now.

It must be because there are so many souls that wish for healing. I tell them to please hold on. I am doing my best with the tools I have and they are relatively unfamiliar to me, but please hold on as you are not alone. Instead of the screams, just promise me you will repeat this mantra until I return —I AM LOVE, I AM— and I return to you a promise, that your soul shall be healed, and your body liberated, and your mind activated in order to serve you along this very, arduous journey, which is more like desert now…the winds keep on turning, but the light is there to guide you, to remind you that you are not alone. The sun will hurt you in the desert if you face the midday sun, ‘you are not alone’ is what the sun wishes to say. Or just look at your hands if you do not have a mirror—I am guiding you with wave and form, and I permeate all things.

Yes, make this a mandatory reading for all soul-searchers.

I will tell you of another class I took. It was the study of Temporal Psychology, and the perception of time. Astounding how much you can learn by digging into microfiche as the articles are old and out of popular use. And this was the case in 2001. All is to say, I learned, that the perception of duration increases when presented with an unfamiliar task. And to no surprise there is an opposite effect that occurs with the perception of duration, when someone completing an enjoyable, familiar task. Which is to say, ‘Time flies when you’re having fun’. And ‘Time goes on forever when you’re in the DMV.’ Unless you’re on your cell phone, which is the point of all this I am telling you if you would just be patient enough to read. For fuck’s sake, it’s not like I can just go and say this on a podcast or anything like that. Sometimes the words have to be written in case someone cannot admit to others that they are actually here reading all of this. I have to be sensitive to my ideal readers.

Anyway, the study I chose for my thesis in college had to do with the perception of duration when presented with a familiar task, and an unfamiliar one. But beyond that, I wished to know if there would be a difference in performance based on the mere presence of a figure of authority. And this way, I could remove the bias of my presence (which I was planning to be there with the subjects to begin with, as I was doing this on my own) and integrate myself into my own study, as a figure of authority in matters of mathematics.

Here’s what I discovered. First of all, no student consented to the study beyond a verbal confirmation, and so I know now what I did was a no-no. But all the same, very revealing data. Groundbreaking stuff, when I tell you that the folks who were unfamiliar with math, were not happy with the task at hand. Perception of time was that it took ages. And that was with the folks that I handed the paper to and suddenly got called away and had to dismiss myself. Even with me gone, it was as if the task went on forever.

And then there were the folks that I was hovering around, watching their every move. And you can imagine the stress this caused to those unfamiliar with mathematics.

So those were the folks who saw mathematics as a daunting task. Even simple addition, subtraction and multiplication was a pain in the ass when I told them they had to resolve the problems by hand. No calculators. No TI-82s.

Now the students with TI-82s that I approached were whizzes in math. So much that they would laugh at my comment on how no calculators were permitted, as they whipped right through all the problems I put on there, at record speed. And here’s what I noticed, as I hovered over the math whizzes, they seemed to get off on the fact that they could breeze through this as if they had better uses of their time—which was true, as my brother is also a UD grad and I remember speaking to his roommate about how he happened to be figuring out how to get bacteria to solve mathematical equations, but all the same, these math whizzes who are now the heads of bio-tech companies I am sure enjoyed showing off in front of me. Because it was better than studying alone in the cafeteria. Gotta give these science nerds some attention, some social interaction. And I tell you, the more I peered in, the faster they performed their leaps and bounds, and the wider they smiled at the end.

I’d ask them to tell me how much time they think has passed since starting at the beginning, and they would usually give an estimate of half the time that was the actual duration, as time flies, when you’re having fun.

If you are afraid of something. If something intimidates you, then do something about it. Take out a book, and read. Get yourself through the initial frustrations as they exist for every human being, but you do this enough, and that part becomes enjoyable, because you won’t rest until you know you have made a breakthrough, and that is the only way to ride.

I learned that from Temporal Psychology. And I won’t even start with Brain and Behavior. I was a TA for that class because the professor told everyone straight out that he does not give out As. I took that as a challenge, and got the A. Then I learned that the only ones who could TA for his class would be folks that got an A. That wasn’t said to me at the beginning of class. I had to earn that knowledge the hard way. It pays to work your fucking ass off. You get so much from it aside from life experience. It opens up opportunities.

Psychology of Non-Verbal Behavior made me an observer. The rest of the knowledge I needed was passed down by divine right by Dr. Queenan and Dr. Thomas Houle, and both are saints. Patient and aware of the power of love. And forgiveness. And they always fulfilled their promises. Consistency. Drive. Determination. Understanding. Forever feeding the curious mind. To find a better way other than drugging a child so that behavior stops. I learned all about what Dr. Ackerman taught me about the DSM, and how there was no cerebroscope where we could look in and see all the activity of the mind, at least not in 2001, and that there was absolutely NO DISEASE, that could be found, that was a result of some thing that was placed in the DSM that required meeting a certain amount of criteria, because the document is complete fucking bollocks, and is toted to be based on a clear medical model.

You know you have COVID if the doc says it’s COVID. There is a flu variant that has made its way into you, and symptoms develop as a result. You can’t say the same thing about a diagnosis from the DSM because it is subjective, there is no medical model backing it that could be founded enough to run a multi-billion dollar business without feeling completely and utterly guilty for the sheer amount of lives destroyed by the over prescription of psychotropic medication delivered to children when they are acting out. Screaming for their souls to be heard. To be given a chance. To be listened to. To be understood, for once. I listened all the time, as best as I could, to the children I worked with, as their Milieu Treatment Supervisor, and I listened to souls that were in need of filling but they were good, all of the children, all of them were so good of heart it was astounding to go back there and listen to how much they had suffered. When they broke down. When the nightmares hit on third-shift. When they were out of their minds scared and wondering if this was real, if they were really okay. These are the remnants of drugs that poisoned their system so badly, that they will never recover fully, unless they take what I am writing to heart, and understand —I AM LOVE, I AM— means that I LOVE YOU, and I would never do anything to ever tarnish that.

I learned, by listening to cries of women, ages 13-18 in the heart of Tlalpan, in Mexico City. I listened to them tell me that no man had ever taken the time to listen, and to empower, and to provide vital mantras and meditations, for them to have a chance at beating the going rate of recidivism. I empowered these women in prison. With all my heart, every time. And I taught them that they never needed to rely on anyone ever again, certainly not an abusive father, or mother, or man, or woman, or supposed friend—just learn these words, and how to breathe, and it will balance you. From there, you may grow these plants, and sell this food, and it will keep you afloat, especially if you sell this in the posh areas of the city, and it will get you away from all these temptations that are waiting for you the moment you get out. You take this wisdom, you take this knowledge, it comes at no cost, and I am in no position to ever judge you, and we are always good. Always.

I love PEOPLE. I care about PEOPLE. We are all PEOPLE.

I cared for the elderly in Coyoacan. Men and women with all this space and no visitors. I offered them Reiki, and saw the sparkle again in their eyes. The gifts of God appear before you in moments of caring for the elderly. Make haste through your problems if you handle an old body with love and care. For God shall remember you as this, and your children shall serve in turn. Your body fails, and your children are there to help you. Your family is there to help you. No one is left alone. No one is sent away.

I learned this by working with the elderly.

And I learned the healing power of music with the blind.

For us all to have a reason to stand still. And not worry. To be here in the present. I learned this by serving the blind by playing my music to them. And they all danced in their own worlds, separate from nothing, separate from no one—ALL ONE—in these places where God offers all to you, in divine dancing grace.

Better to keep working at something. Whatever it is, you keep at it. And be honest with self and others. Serve. Offer light and love. Listen. Breathe. Feed your soul its secret nourishment. Become that which you have always been. That which is waiting for you, on the seat of the soul.

-W.V.Carleton